Question of distance

Living in a remote area has its drawbacks. The nearest city to Lewis is Inverness, 105 miles as the crow flies. It's nearly 3 hours by ferry and another 55 miles by road, a journey that usually takes about 90 minutes. The Northern Isles of Scotland, Orkney and Shetland, are at an even great disadvantage, as below map shows. The main ferry crossing between Lerwick (Shetland) and Aberdeen on the mainland takes 14 hours. The Orkney ferry takes about 2 hours, but requires a 125 mile road journey to reach Inverness.


Mail order is therefore the order of the day. This is seen by some retailers as an excuse to levy ridiculous charges for carriage, even if they can send it off by Royal Mail if the package weighs less than 25 kg / 55 lb. Some times, you need to query an item, send it back or settle a bill. That's where things get truly ridiculous. I give a reasonable accurate rendition of a few phonecalls, made by residents of Shetland.

Company: "OK, you can send that back to us. In order to make the arrangement, we need to know what your nearest railway station is."
Customer: "My nearest railway station is Bergen, Norway".
Company: <embarassed silence>

Bank: "We'd prefer it if you could pop that into your nearest branch."
Customer: "Oh yeah? Do you realise that when I go to 'my nearest branch', I'm on the ferry for 14 hours there, and 14 hours back?"
Bank: "Oh. Better send it in that prepaid envelope."