Marital humour

with thanks to Sunny

Wife:  "What are you doing?"
Husband : "Nothing."
Wife : "Nothing...? You've  been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was  looking for the expiration date." 

Wife  : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife :  "Yes and no."

Stress  Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries,  troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling,  but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we  aren't married yet."

Son:  "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my  seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right  thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

A  newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father  hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly , "I'd have  married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

Girl  to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies:  "Thanks for the early warning."

A  wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my  sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your  sense of humor."