Thoughts for the New Year

copied from Robyn and slightly altered

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an  erection, make him a sandwich.
 
Number 7 -  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 -  Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but  you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
 
Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying  of nothing.

Number 4 -  All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
 
Number 3 -  Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?

Number 2 - In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world  is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
 
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among  the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a  clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.  Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge  of immigration.
 
And the BONUS thought for today
 
"Life is like a jar of jalapeños.  What you do today might burn your  ass tomorrow."