Monday 12 November 2007

Gripe sheets

QANTAS AIRLINES
 
For those that travel - or are planning too!
 
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.
 
After every flight, Qantas Pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight .
 
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a major accident.
 
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 
P: Test flight OK, except auto -land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
 
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
 
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
 
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
 
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
And the best one for last........ ......... .
 
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
 
S: Took hammer away from midget.

8 comments:

  1. This is so good ..lol ...love Jan xx

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  2. Cat installed,LMAO!!

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  3. I remember getting these in an email a couple of years ago. Still very funny, ROFL!! Thanks for a Monday morning laugh! Jeannette xx  

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  4. These are priceless, so original in a stressful occupation.  Good laughs!  CATHY

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  5. My brother was an air steward for Qantas for years, he would have loved this.

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  6. LOL, I enjoyed this.
    Lisa

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  7. That's a good one !   Linda in WA

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  8. Those are REALLY good!  I liked the missing engine.
    Lori

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